Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas, yeah whatever

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas is
You... yea yea

I despise the holidays, Tina leaves, work BLOWS, and I am now all alone. Fucking fantastic.

A Brief but Belated Update

Hello to everyone out there, so many things have happened how do I begin to explain them? We'll start where I left off, with my home issues. Well I am adapting very well to my new surroundings, I have started calling my apartment home and I think when I made that mental step to changing what I felt was home I felt much better. I almost miss this grungy apartment when I am not here.

Holidays..bleh
Well as many of my close friends know during the holidays I usually act more like the Grinch or Scrooge than Santa or Rudolph but I am starting to realize what my harsh realities of the Christmas season are, my girlfriend who without I am lost leaves for a month to see her family. This basically means that for a month I am lost to the world. I wish that I could for just one Christmas get that phone call from her on Christmas saying "Merry Christmas...I'm Outside" I just think that no amount of presents in the world could even come close to the gift of the one I love. She often says that I should come to her on Christmas but I don't think she realizes how much deep down inside I still believe. Not necessarily in Santa and flying reindeer but the idea of a Christmas Miracle. I mean to most people the holidays mean Family, Togetherness, Love and Joy. To me the holidays are hellish amounts of work, being alone, and desperately wishing that my life is different. I dunno.

SCHOOL
School is just another one of those things, its been so impossibly hard this semester, I really think I did rather poorly and hope that most of my grades don't post until after Christmas so I can say Happy New Year I'm on Academic Suspension and not Merry Christmas I flunked. Fuck this sucks. I am just so ready to be done with all that tension and drama. I want to wake up and be able to go to work come home and have that be all, I hate having to constantly tell myself, "Oh You can have 3 hours of peace here and then after 6 hours of hell you can be rewarded with another 30 minutes here." I just want to get to the point where I can relax.

Love Life
Well that is just a fish of a different color and is the one thing that I am succeeding at in my life. Thank God for that. I am deeply in love with the woman of my dreams and I despise everything in my life that she is not a part of. I desperately hope to one day marry her.

Fish, My Obsession and Constant Joy:
Okay, I may have fudged a little, I am also having GREAT success with my fish! I now have seven fish tanks in the apartment, 55g, 40g, two 20g, two 10g, and a 2g for Marvin. I have also increased from African Cichlids to South American with the Addition of 3 Convicts and an Oscar who is growing so fast I have no Idea what to do! (Its okay, it was expected when I bought him I wanted a "Monster Fish". Gonna need to get him a 75g at some point next year. Don't quite know where I am gonna put it but oh well. I have actually gotten about 50 fry from my African Cichlids which are growing and looking amazing. Gonna have to get rid of them soon though. Oh well, I hope they get a good home. The picture your looking at are one of my breeding pairs of convicts. Their an amazing.



I did say that this was going to be brief so I am going to leave a quote and a prayer...

Prayer: Lord, Grant me the strength to get through my life over the next few years and to realize your hope and vision for me. Please protect those that are so dear to me and give them health and happiness. In your name, Amen.

Quote:
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
I've a lot of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late, I'm already torn.
-Natalie Imbruglia


P.S. Gonna be an Uncle 2X! Tina's gonna be an aunt 1x and the Dallas Cowboys are (as of right now) 11-1!!!!!!!