A Christmas to Remember Pt. 1

Well, today has been just one day for the memories. Hence, why I decided to write about it. Its so very rare that I get to share good memeories, stuff that will have an impact on the rest of my life that I need to take the chance to remember all of it. So now that its Christmas Eve (4:22 am) I will go ahead and give you a blow by blow. 

Day started out sleeping in late. Tina gave me her bed again and I took advantage of this to mean that I should enjoy the use of such a commidity.  Alan was in rare form when he woke up and I had to put up with his ADD going bonkers. Its okay though. I know that he only does it becuase he wants to fit in. Tina and I then went out shopping, I acually enjoyed this. We found some GREAT presents. Also, picked up a few really fun things for us. (I mean a GIANT cupcake is hard to ignore).  We ended up going to Best Buy, TJMaxx, TGI Fridays for a short respis, then some beauty store, Wal-Mart and JCPenny. JCPenny was terrible, we went there to pick up a quilt for Ingrid (Tina's Mom) and we get to the desk that says "Customer Service", where we wait in a 10 minute line. We finally reach the desk when we hand the not so enthusastic employee looks at the reciept and says "Oh, well you need to be at customer service." We inform this obviously mistaken employee that we are indeed at the Customer Service desk and point out the large sign abover her head. I kid you not, she turns around, reads it, and then says "oh well I meant catalog" It was insane. Shopping was alot of Fun. I enjoyed being with Tina and having fun with her. But the day had to continue. Alas, there were more things to do, some of vast importance.

Well, I came home after talking to Tina and we begin to have dinner. Sweedish Meatballs. Yummy! A+ Mrs. Phillips. After that we picked up Laurie and then headed to bowling. After some shenanigians at the liquor store we make it to bowling. I don't have ANY of my stuff so I bowl horribly. Oh well, it was not about doing well, it was about having fun. Sadly, My stressed out upset stomach would not allow me to enjoy the bowling too much, for after dinner I asked Mr. Phillips if we could talk and he obliged stating that we could talk after bowling. I had suddenly gotten overcome with the most nervous events of all my life. I was about to ask one of the most militaristic men I had ever met if I could marry is daughter. Wow, I was really nervous. So anyways bowling ends and Mr. P says "Your riding with me right?" I confirm his inquiry and we go ahead of shove off. Well after some required small talk about bowling and the weather we get down to business.

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 Well, were in the car and at this point I am fairly sure that the shaking is becuase of nerves not the cold. I mention that I did not specifically ask him for a private metting to shoot the breeze. I ask him if he would grant me his blessing in asking Tina for her hand in Marriage. I mean this was a big step. A smirk and a tear come across his face and he prefaces with reminding me that he has some questions for me first. We talk for about an hour and a half over some coffee at a local coffee place. We have a really good talk, but I am extremly nervous. I hate situations like that, I hate feeling vunerable. But I am able to calm my shakes and we have a really good conversation. It was really nice, he asked me to do a few things for him (which I have been doing) and we get back in the car.  Then finally towards the end of the car ride he agree's and gives me his blessing /phew!

It was a really nice conversation and we enjoyed the heck out of the rest of the night. We went out with Laurie and Ashley and consumed copious amounts of alcohol. 

All and All, a really good night. I got alot closer to Chuck and I got a much better understanding of what makes that man "tick". 

Dallas Cowboys Week 5 Thoughts

-=The Bengals=-
Okay, here is my opinion on that game. The first thing you need to consider is the 'boys were playing a team with literally nothing to loose. the Bengals needed a win to save their season and were willing to do anything to get it. The surprise onside kick, and their overall confidence in their team shined in the fourth quarter. 

-=The Cowboys=-
That said, the Cowboys seem to have lost their "swagger" as it was called last season. This seems like a team that is really not interested in playing the regular season and is almost just going through the motions till the post season. Its fair to say at this point the the NFC East will send three teams into the playoffs again this year. Right now, the team just seems content to linger in the middle of the division knowing that even third place equals a playoff run. 

-=What we learned from the last game=-
The last game we played I feel we learned a lot about ourselves. In the third quarter it seemed as if Tony Romo had decided to take himself out of the game mentally and was sitting on the sideline alone. He was not interacting and had almost resigned to defeat. The loss to the Redskins was still lingering. What happened next was amazing. I think about half way through the third Jason Witten was shown talking to TO and someone else, and they were joking, and getting ramped up. Now, all I saw was Jason talking, so I don't know who started that conversation, but from that point on we looked like the Cowboys everyone expects us to be. We learned that we can depend on our team leaders to rally morale back. This is so vital to being a good team. In my opinion, Hats off to that conversation. 

-=In Conclusion=- 
Were a great team, with a great record, who is mentally unsure of itself after two heartbreaking post season losses in a row. I think that our leaders on both sides of the ball need to step up and put some confidence and some swagger back in our play. We are Americas team and we need to learn that you cannot at any point take the 60 minutes of regulation play forgranted. 

Love is watching someone die

This weekend sucked. There you know know how I feel about my post today. It all started Thursday. I found out that my teacher was not going to be at class and that a TA was just going to be collecting our reading responses so I decided to just turn it in and go hang out with Tina and Mom. After a great lunch with Mom at Olive Garden Tina and I decided to go ahead an assemble a DVD rack that we had bought months ago because we were being taken over by the loose DVD's in the house. Right before assembling the DVD rack I decide that our fish tanks were all running a little low on water and that Tina and I should do some water changes. We do all of our tanks except my big tank and as the tank is draining / filling Tina and I decide to go to work on the DVD rack.

Well, I forgot to add dechlorination to our tank as I was refilling it and as Tina and I are finishing the rack we stand it up and I realize that all of my fish are on the bottom breathing really heavy and not eating or moving. Well just then Corey Woo shows up and in the whirlwind that is Corey basically tries to reassure me that my fish are fine and to pay attention to him. I realized my error and added the dechlornator right then but, it was too late, damage had been done. I couldn't find anything on the internet about what to do, so I add some stress coat, and I convince myself to just give them some time. We head out to our usual Thursday Spot, The Thirsty Turtle for .25 cent night. Well, we were running a little late, and I guess the word has gotten out about this little deal and the line was down past potbellies. Prolly like 1,000 people in this line, so after not moving for five minutes Tina and I decided to just go home.

I get home and the fish are not doing better, and I find one dead fish. Apparently, when I was filling THAT tank, none of the others, a really chlorine heavy batch of water decided to come into that tank and chlorine burned the gills of all of my fish. That combined with my absence of mind with the dechlornator, equaled really bad things. I get online and find out that this is a lot like being in a room full of smoke, its not impossible to breath, but very hard. Stay in the smoke too long, and you die. I got on the forums and thankfully some of the people in there had some advise, which I could have done hours earlier, but had to wait for the replies. I added some Melafix and some salt to the tank, along with every air stone in the house in an attempt to evaporate all the bad stuff. and find my first dead fish. One of my sub dominant Saulosi had died in the mess. I watch the tank for a few more hours when I find my second dead fish, one of my yellow labs. The worst part about loosing this fish, I had grown him from a fry. Tina and I decide that were going to pull all the rocks out of the tank in the morning and see where we stand.

Well, Friday morning comes and we find another a saulosi who is really struggling. We remove him from the main tank and put him into our medical tank. Add the same medication to that tank, and cover it for complete darkness. By this point the tank is looking really cloudy. What I come to find out is the chlorine also destroyed all my de-nitrifing bacteria.

WARNING SCIENCE CONTENT.
This is the nitrogen cycle. Fish waste and uneaten food become Ammonia, this Ammonia becomes Nitrites which get broken down by beneficial bacteria into Nitrates, these Nitrates are removed by Water Changes. Well, apparently, I killed all of my good bacteria and the tank became over crowded with this bad bacteria, which make the tank cloudy, and smelly. Well I add this stuff that is made in Glen Burnie which jump starts the bio-cycle and pray.

Saturday comes and I wake up to a dead Saulosi, he just couldn't overcome the burns. When I go to work the tank is really cloudy and I get even more depressed. Finally Saturday night I get my first good news, the tank is clearing up nicely. Finally, some good news. I needed this, I was really upset about the fish. Tina had put a lot of the rocks back in and did a head count, so far everyone that was left was still alive.

Skip to today, I go to school at 9AM, get home at 9PM and my little fish (who I raised from a fry) who I had not seen in a few days, dead and being sucked into a filter. Lucky everyone else, including my new fry, are doing much better. Little Miss, one of my labs, was holding, but in all the stress her fry died, and she spit it out. So if you include that little guy, 3 labs, and 2 Saulosi. The only other ray of sunshine is that the tank is looking really decent and I think everyone is gonna make it.

This weekend sucked. But this blog is about fish. Sometimes this happens, but you have to realize that its not all bad. I get a lot of happiness from these guys. Just have to re-build.

Burning bridges is a form of suicide

Okay, let’s see all the things that have been going on. Since my last post I have done a lot of things. I finished three of my five classes and I feel I did pretty well. I have all three of the grades back right now and I have two A's and a C. My C grade was in Spanish, a very hard subject at the University of Maryland. I have really, really, enjoyed my classes over the summer. I took a FANTASTIC history of Films Noir with Greg Metcalf. I really enjoyed seeing some of the older movies, and I loved the way he presents the information in a clear and concise manner. We would watch a film, and then he would say something like "Imagine everything that the main character told you was a lie..." It would literally just blow your mind. My other class was about 20th Century History through film, and we watched some of the greatest war films of all times. If you guys have not seen Stop Loss yet you should really consider it.

I was also able to go see The Dark Knight this weekend and I absolutely loved it. I really appreciated the Noir-esk aspect of the film and the direct statements that it made about society. I really really was infatuated with the way that it embraced Neo-Noir as not only a genre but a style. Classical Noir Films challenged the assumption that society was perfect, they instead showed the darker aspect that was the reality and that evil existed. Now that films focus on the darker aspect of society, The Dark Knight chooses to focus on how society is not doomed and how good people still exist. The film all around was very politically charged, while at the same time delivering a profound statement. I will hopefully see it again, in an environment where I can take notes, and want to post a complex analysis of the content of the film. I also don't want to ruin it for anyone.

Well, I will continue with some things regarding my life. I guess I can share a little about my life. Tina and I found a new place to live! It's in Laurel and it’s a two bedroom that will allow us to separate different aspects of our lives. I.e. we will be able to have and Office / Fish Room, and a Bedroom, and a living room! We will hopefully close two days before I am done with classes and I'll have about a week to get us moved and everything set up. I have been busy picking pretty much everyone I know for ideas regarding the transport of my current apartment. I think that I may rent a U-haul, but we'll see. I really appreciate everyone offering to help (as pretty much everyone has).

Since this blog is ALSO about fish, I feel I must mention them. I bought/traded for a community of Ps. Saulosi. Right now my fish are just Juvies, but when the reach maturity they will look much like this. They are considered a dwarf Mbuna and only the dominant male gets the color seen in the photo. The females and the non-dominant males are yellow in color. They are some of the most curious fish I have even seen EVER. When I put my hand in the tank to move things around they are constantly biting my arm just to see what’s going on. It’s been a joy watching them get a little bigger and start some of the interesting behaviors. They were discovered by Ad Konings in 1989 (yes that’s a correct date) by accident. He was diving in Lake Malawi when he stopped to clear his ears at 7 meters, he looked at the rock right in front of him and swimming in the current he found this species as he struggled to stay where he was. He named it after one of the native Africans who was helping him and the fish been in the hobby as a favorite since. It’s amazing how they tend to exhibit this same behavior in the aquarium at my house. They REALLY enjoy swimming in the current and are always very happy to see me. My dominant male looks kind of funny right now, he has yellow on his tail and a blue and black body.

I will conclude with the other fish I have recently bought for one of my smaller tanks. 'Lamprologus' stappersii' or the Pearly Occellatus. This is a small shell-dweller from the littoral environment of Lake Tanganyika. They move and defend their shells as if they were little homes. In fact, I guess that makes sense. They do actually use the shells as their little houses. I have been unable to get any good pictures of mine yet, but I will have to satisfy you with a funny story. This weekend I was doing some of my maintenance on my tanks and I was adding some rocks to it when I got the shock of my life! This fish, which tops out 2.5”, had gotten so mad that I was within 6 inches of his home that he had bit me!!! I literally dropped what I was moving hit my hand on the top of the tank as I pulled my hand out, got water literally EVERYWHERE and tended to my wounds. I never would have that the fish would have bit me. I know I talked about the Saulosi nibbling on my fingers, but they do it because they want to know if I am food, this guy was defending his shell(s). It was hysterical, Tina and I laughed for like 10 minutes. Needless to say, I may be more careful next time I do that.

Also, this Sunday Tina and I were at Ikea and we found this AMAZING four post bed and Mom graciously offered to help us out with cash because our beds had been on the floor since last year and its wonderful. We put curtains around it and its just been so great to sleep on. I've really enjoyed being able to shut the curtains and take a nap in peace. I really like the bed, and it was a steal at the price we payed. Thanks Mom!!! This Sunday was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed seeing everyone.

I'm too tired to play pretend, I suffociate until the end.

Well lets see, since mostly everyone that reads this now is family looking to pry into my life and make half informed assumptions about my daily feelings I guess I need to post a disclaimer. As far as this blog is concerned this is a place where I want to be able to feel safe without having to tell everyone a week later "Yes, I'm fine, I just use the blog to vent don't read into it" I mean I don't mind my family reading it, but realize that I don't write in my blog because I am happy. As far as my life is concerned Happiness writes white.

**PATRICK IS HAVING A DOWN DAY**

Lets start with my borderline idiotic decision to take summer classes. I am three days into my summer of hell. I go to school 6 hours a day, and I am still trying to figure out how I am going to be able to work. I no longer have any time to play video games with my brothers and that will lead to one of two things, me being excluded from the "group" or me pushing myself even harder, both terrible options as far as my social life is concerned. I really enjoy playing with Jeremy but he always feels the need to become the most important person in any situation and frankly I cannot keep up. Possibly, he is reflecting is own insecurities that I just do not feel the need to address, or possibly he just likes to be in charge, but I grow more unamused every passing day. I mind has well just adapt to playing alone and go find a game that my computer can handle and that I really enjoy. The really frustrating part is the massive workload school has put upon me. I really want to get out, but is the juice worth the squeeze?
I am still adapting to my new schedule, I must be in bed by 11 or 12 pm (3 to 4 hours earlier than I am used to) or I am unable to concentrate for six hours of daily learning, which is extremely difficult. While as far as classes go these are some of my more enjoyable classes to date. I enjoy both my TA (who desperately tries to teach me Spanish) and my Professor who teaches my Film Noir Special Topic in Archeology class. The hard part for me is having to get up at 8 am, so I can be to school by 9:30 and then grabbing an hour for lunch before I like some mindless drone head back to class till 4:30. At that point its back to apartment to try to get some, if any relaxation before I must push myself to sleep so I can continue the battle tomorrow. I know that for most people reading this (yes, hello family) your used to your 9-5 jobs but you also have weekends off, and nights, and for the most part holidays. I will receive none of these luxuries that you all take for granted. So when you feel the need to remind me, like you so often do, that I have it so easy remember these luxuries.
Following school I come home, lately its almost as if Tina has decided she just can't cook edible food (that isn't cookies or pudding) so has stopped trying. The last two days I have had to come home and cool full meals. Monday night it was sloppy joe's and last night it was Jambalaya. I dunno, I had just barely gotten to sit down before she was nagging bout her hunger. While I commiserated and agreed with the pains in her stomach I was exhausted. When I don't feel like cooking we eat out, and she bitches about money. I dunno. Its just really annoying that today on my break from class I was planning dinner, I mean it really sucks, a lot.
I just wish I was in the middle of a care free summer of playing video games and relaxing, its such a shame that I did not realize last summer that it would be my last care-free summer or I would have told work to fuck off and I would have done more. I want to be out of school but days like today I honestly doubt that I have the gas left in the tank, and its only Wednesday. I hope that when I update my blog a few months from now I laugh about this, but frankly, that prospect looks more bleak every passing hour.

For today I will leave on a song, that I have been listening to on repeat almost all day.

Motion City Soundtrack - Last Night

I'm still frustrated from last night
Things happened at half-time, I'm sick of the bends
My panic research was no help
I sink into myself
Afraid of the fall that never ends
I wait, but I'm too tired to play pretend
I suffocate until the end

No time for halfhearted goodbyes,
I turn on the spotlight and flee from the scene
Cheap flights from Paris to Bangkok, I thought it was nonstop
Can't sleep on the KLM again
I haunt the halls of medicine at night
Choking back the urge to fight

Her cat was clawing the floorboards just outside of our door,
The panic begins
I searched the whole damn apartment from ceiling to carpet
No sign of the things she used to own
As autumn turns its back on me again
I climb the walls for oxygen

My body aches, it heaves, it shakes
All summer sounds so caught up
And I still don't know exactly who I am
I never will, amen.

She whispers something in my ear, the message is unclear
She motions outside.
I trail her closely from behind
She tries hard not to cry
She shakes underneath the pouring rain

I can't compete with all your damn ideas
This isn't working out for you and me
The truth is I'm too tired to play pretend

This is goodbye, this is the end.

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I bolded my favorite lines.

Late at Night, at the Laundry Mat,

...And I'm staring at people and clothes in the dryers......and I'm wondering, how I got here, (3eb reference) I guess I just needed to share my feelings today, its been kind of rough. We'll start from the beginning, this morning.
Typical work day, 11:00-7:30 for a whopping total of eight hours of work. Besides the fact that for the most part right now I despise my job, I had been having a rather good day. I woke up, got some breakfast (unusual for me) and then decided to head to work. I left a little late, but I was able to actually get to work five minutes early. I then clocked in and began my meaningless wandering. I talked to my Sup, about meaningless pitter, and then had to talk to my manager about even more meaningless pitter. I was strolling through home theater after having a less than ideal customer interaction in Computers. As far as that situation is concerned I ended up selling just a computer to a customer and in my defense, thats all he needed, but they were bitching about me on the radio. Anyways I was strolling through home theater when I was blinded by my Ex, and her family who wanted to purchase a TV. I ended up having to talk to her for quite awhile and while I really enjoyed talking to her, it made me feel like shit. I don't really know why. I mean, for to most part we ended amicably, but I guess it is one of those situations where first loves die hard. I guess the hard part about talking to her is that when we talk about old times, I never remember the bad stuff, I remember only the good. I told Tina about this but we'll discuss that later.
Next, about three hours later my parents came in, and they are entertaining the idea of purchasing an HDTV. I know this will most likely never happen, because their current system is so old and out of date it all needs to be replaced. I dunno, I guess the reason I really want them to get this is it means that my dad and I get to work on a project again. I love working with my dad and I really hate the fact that Tina does not seem to enjoy my family lately. While I know this is ENTIRELY hypocritical, I miss hanging out with them. I guess after that the end of my shift was fairly normal, I avoided managers for about two hours and then went home. (Although, I was able to get one really good customer interaction good and that kinda got me beaming).
I decided since our laundry really needed to be done, that I would go ahead and do it, I ended up having to pick up some supplies and I got another set of Shure se-210's. SUPER nice headphones that got lost with Tina's last Ipod.
I ended up going into College Park to take Tina's break with her. It was nice, her co-workers really seem to like me, even though sometimes it seems as if they are laughing at me and not with me. I told Tina about the Kristen interaction and her reply was very predictable..."You still love her" and then I spend the rest of the conversation backpedaling becuase for some reason Tina and I cannot talk about Kristen like adults, she always ends up saying "You still love her" and getting very defensive. I hate that.
Just had an amazing realization, while watching the laundry in the dryer I realized I feel like that about life ALOT. There are these fantastic colors going around and around and I watch them with awe realize sometimes my life just goes round and round as I ride the colors.
At the laundry mat I got on WoW and that really depressed me because I found out that Piccalow and Tanthalas had quit my guild, I got them in last week and I thought that we had showed them a good time, so I am really gonna miss those guys. I need to figure out what I am going to do now. It sucks.

Trust no one thats the one thing that I've learned cause the world darkens around me...

I'll try to keep you posted more.